Whether you are going through a breakup or grieving a loved one, dealing with grief, loss or unbearable sadness can feel lonely and impossible. While I’m no expert, I have pulled myself out of some tough spots with the help of some amazing people in my life and I hope some of these thoughts can help just one person who reads this.
If no one has told you today, you are loved, you are valuable and you will get through this.
Make a “Safe” Playlist. There is nothing worse than when you are trying to move on from someone and a song comes on that reminds you of this person. You can go from totally fine to bawling in your car or at the gym in under 30 seconds. Be prepared. The radio and familiar playlists will betray you. Make a playlist NOW or borrow mine titled “BYEeee”. This is my playlist for getting through something when I want to avoid any songs that are likely to bring me to tears. Songs are so personal that I highly recommend making your own but in a pinch, mine will work. ;)
Ask your friends/ coworkers for what you need. It can be humbling to let people know you are not okay. But it’s also incredibly relieving to get back to your regular routine and tell the handful of key people in your life that you are not okay and you won’t be for a while. The BEST thing I did in my last heartache was ask a few close friends NOT to ask me how I’m doing for a few weeks. People who care about you will support you and most want to know how to care for you during your difficult time. Ask for what you need. Maybe you need to talk about it. Maybe you want to throw yourself into your work and workouts (me). Know yourself. Ask for what you need. Time does heal.
Don’t drink when you are sad. End of story. This has helped me so much. Alcohol is a depressant so if I’m already sad, I’m 100% positive that drinking won’t make me feel any better. Plus, if you are crying a lot, your body is already dehydrated so you should be focused on hydrating as much as possible during this time. Friends will offer to get a glass of wine and cry with you. Ask them to go to a workout class with you or sip some sparkling water instead. I need to keep a level head when my emotions are all over the place and staying sober is the easiest way to keep things in check.
Date yourself. Give yourself some extra TLC. Buy yourself the flowers at the grocery store. Spring for the extra 5 minutes of foot massage with your pedicure. Go see a movie you’ve been wanting to see alone. Take yourself out for a tasty dinner of your choosing. Introspective time alone can be so healing. I have been taking myself to fancy workout classes in Dallas like Barry’s Bootcamp, CryoTherapy and Beyond Pilates. Any sort of indulgence that also contributes to your physical wellbeing is a win-win.
Talk to a professional. Never had I ever…seen a therapist until recently. I do a lot of “self therapy”. I walk myself through my actions and emotions until I can unpack what I think happened, what my part was in the experience and how I should move forward in any meaningful scenario. While I like to think I’m better than the average bear at this process - there are just some things that are difficult to see and name on your own. A professional is not paid to judge you. A professional is not paid to be your friend. They simply present an objective and professional opinion based on the facts you state.
Get good sleep. I’m a huge fan of the Hum Beauty Sleep Vitamins. When your mind is racing and your heart is aching it can feel impossible to get a full night of sleep. You need to overcome this. The body and mind have to rest and I really try to avoid any more serious sleeping aids. Those always make me feel groggy and off the next day. I fill my diffuser with lavender oil a few hours before bedtime so my room smells spa-like and it starts to train my brain to prepare for sleep.
None of the above is ground breaking - but I’ve found a reliable formula to speed up the healing process. I hope it helps mend your heart a little faster.